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瓦尔登湖的落叶

你知道,当人们感到非常苦闷时,总是喜欢日落的

 
 
 

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Time is a bitch  

2008-02-23 18:55:01|  分类: 忧伤年代 |  标签: |举报 |字号 订阅

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The other day when I took a walk in a street, I couldn’t get one sentence out of my head: Time is a bitch, which I heard from the drama called “Nip Tuck”.  
     Is it or is it not? Well, if time’s really a bitch, then why still so many people want it and appreciate it? If it is not, then how come it acts like a cold one who takes every dream away from us, takes so many people we care out of our lives and even takes ourselves away from us?
     Jeans once wrote in her blog that every step we took today was gonna define who we were tomorrow. I think she’s right, and I believe the steps I took in the past few years are gonna make me nothing but a loser, if I keep them going. I feel like recently I never get to know who I am, who I really am. Every time when I lose something, I only find time to blame, not myself or what I did. In some degree, time is a bitch.
     Several months ago I input the complete Friends to my new ipod. Now I rewatch it. I can still remember the first time I watched the drama, when the last episode of the last season showed up, I was so sad and afraid. I was sad because when six of them said goodbye to each other and were ready to begin their new lives, an age had come to an end while I was afraid because those who left such deep footprints in our lives would one day not be where we were just as they did in the Friends.
     In January I spent almost 40 hours in the train back home. The first night I was like torched to death by my cold I caught before I got on the train. I couldn’t sleep well. Can you imagine I was interrupted about 20 times that night? Every time when I was waken I expected it to be morning, yet every time I found I was surrounded by the darkness. Then I started to be scared, I was scared that maybe I would never see the sunlight again. I had this weird thought a train accident maybe happened when I was sleeping , which cost all the passengers’ life, including mine. I was wondering weather this was what death felt like, living in the darkness, our soul only hanging around the place where we died and expecting the sunlight which would never come.
     People say life is about choice. Only many of them have been decided without us. We can’t choose when we're born, can’t choose where we're born. We can’t even choose who we love. I guess people say so just because we can choose how to make choice. I hate life with too many choices. Because every time we make a choice, it means we have to give up something for something else. Do we really have to sacrifice one thing just in order to have something we want more? Or actually we did have a chance to have them both without sacrificing anything.? The answer is Yes and No. The world we are living in is so far away from being perfect. I just don’t understand since everything can’t be perfect, why people even create a word like “perfection” and why we keep lying to ourselves that life can be “perfect”. May be sometimes we all enjoy being lied and lying. 
    Two days ago I was asked what the hardest thing was in life. Later I figured out it was watching your dreams dying one by one. It’s like watching the other you dying, and you can do nothing about it. What makes it so? Well, time. After we realize we were not going to be young anymore, we kind of lose all the passion to go after the stuff we used to die for and are busy with nothing except for waiting to die. None of us want to live a life mechanically, only few of us can make it happen.
     I am tied. I am so tied of everything.
     I am tied of the society in which lie ranks over truth, tied of a life so hallow, tied of the world where truly beautiful arts and music are not be appreciated anymore……
     I am tied of being tied. I need some sleep. I did.

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